For the sake of your sanity

Where have you been?
Where have I pushed you to?
Why have I stopped thinking about you?
Why have I stopped thinking about anyone?
What is happening to me?
What is going through my mind?
Who am I thinking about?
Who do I know anymore?
When will this be over?
When will this be over?

They're back to haunt me,
there's nought I can do.
But to welcome with open arms,
would be too obvious.

Jainy+Frian

That's what I'll call them.

Grief has been hanging around me lately.
Not mine mind you, but of people around me.
People that I care about. Although not very close to.
But contact me alright?
I'll try to help.
Or if you prefer.
I could just listen.

Jainy

The past two weeks has been great. The feeling of aboslute calmness, peace of mind, happiness at times, sense of well-being all took turns to pay me a visit. Seldom did despair, fear, sadness drop by. The most there was was melachony, which is sort of like happiness and sadness mixed together. I really wish this period will last. Just finished a gig with The Oslo Castaways. Had it been perfect, it would have capped off this two amazing weeks. Well, at least it didn't suck. I'll write more soon.

Bye Bye Love

Robbed of all motivation etc. Going back in in about one and a half hours time. It's a lousy feeling. As the song goes: 'looking all around us, people everywhere, children having fun, while we are holdining guns.' Someone help me.... Fuck.

Everything in it's right place

The week was looking great and I had to screw it up spectacularly on book out day. Still, no major damage done except to my pride and low key-ness in SISPEC. Baa Baa Black Sheep. Guess the outlook for this coming week is down again.. after an almost happy week. I screwed myself. Ah nvm.. bye all..

The more you try to erase me.

Been searching recently.
For a lot of things.
Slowly adapting to life in SISPEC, apparently not fast enough. Searching for a motivation to get past every day. For some goal in going through the course. For some reason to not kill myself or break a limb or something.
Slowly rolling down a deep valley, faster than I would have liked it. Searching for somebody to confide in. Somebody who would listen to whatever I have to say. Somebody I'm comfortable with speaking too.
Slowly falling into a hole in the ground, watching silently as things and events go flying by. Searching for some glimmer of hope that there is someone out there.
Slowly drifting into the darkness, coupled with the despair of the knowing. Of the trials and turmoil that each day poses. Not just of the body, but of the mind as well. Searching for Judgement. Lest the cycle starts when yet another day begins.

Am I only being nice? Because I want someone, something?